For some reason when I hit certain levels of depression I end up with this claustrophobic feeling when I go outside. I am sure someone will try to argue that I am feeling something else , but I know better.
So now besides not being able to be in the same room with people (and this is family mind you) and definately around people in the outside world, or around friends I have this weird outside claustrophobic feeling. So that is fun. I just do not feel like being awake but have slept so much my body is in agony. Life has not been fun lately.
All I can do is ride it out and hope it goes away soon. I really hate depression and sadness and really try to avoid it as much as possible. When you have been dealing with this since you were nine or ten and it has at times lasted for a year or more instead of a month or two or a day or two it tends to wig you out when you have had a long period without it.
The fucked up part is nothing helps it. Not exercise, hanging out with friends, sex, alcohol is a total waste at these points and besides usually stupid shit happens when drunk and depressed, drugs are a temporary solution at best and an enabler to depression at worst so that is out.
Then friends and family are either pissed off at me or are scared shitless for me because I cut myself off for a period of time because I do not want them to have to deal with me and I cannot deal with them worrying about me....I always survive , somehow I always do. It is just a matter of time....
Unfortunately like bad poetry written by teenagers, we will have this bad blog written by depression...
I don't think I want to write anymore....
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